Husband vs. Girls - Guilt, Connection & Blessings

A midst the chaos of our busy life I dream about the breaks: sunny beaches, sitting by a pool in a bikini, reading a novel without interruption, holding Mark's hand as we stroll through shops. A couple months ago Mark tells me he is going to California for a conference and he'd love if I came along. We could add a couple days to enjoy quality time with one another. This is amazing, it's what I've been dreaming of, but then reality hits and I realize, I love being with my kids more, I don't want to be away from them. I decide to suck it up and go anyway.

The day before we leave, however, I melt. The overwhelming feeling of guilt over leaving my girls becomes too much. The kids don't help either, as they know how to pull my heartstrings. I begin looking into switching flights so I'm there a shorter period of time, or maybe I should cancel all together, I think. My kids need me; they are my priority.

A good friend

I called my good friend who I call when I need honest straightforward advice and wisdom (get a few of these spiritual counselors ladies! We all need them). She knows the ins and outs of our family in such a way that I knew she could speak into my life.  After sharing my fears and concerns she said, “You're forgetting one thing: Mark needs you too. He needs to be your priority. Mark needs your undivided focus and attention and you need a break so you can have strength to continue to care for the girls and the people God has put in your care.” I realized in that moment that I needed to push through and get on the plane in order to have that quiet, uninterrupted time with Mark in order to strengthen our friendship and marriage.

Peace, community and the lady by the water

We made it to L.A, and once I was there, that peace - that always seems to be welcoming me when we can get away together - flooded over me. We had a great time walking around, sitting by the pool, and having great food. Over the course of that week there were seven different women who watched our girls, loving on them and enriching their lives. Before the trip I shared with one of the ladies how hard it is for me to leave the girls, she encouraged me by saying, "Just think of it this way: you're letting them bless other people with their sweetness!" It really does take a village to raise a child, and God has given us such a great one!

As we sat by the pool, reading, and talking on our second day, a woman who was sitting on the other side of the pool, who had spent the day reading walked up to us, knelt down and said something that blew us away: "God spoke to me” she said. Mark and I looked at each other. Strange. She had no clue that we were Christians. “He told me to come up to you and tell you that He is pleased with you both and happy that you are spending time together, and that He wants to spend more time with you both."  I was like, "he said what?" I could not believe how God used this woman to encourage us and affirm in me the importance of spending time together away from the chaos of our life.

How about you?

Are you putting your children before your husband? Do you need to plan some focused time with him? It doesn't need to cost money. Maybe you could send the kids to someone's house for the night, plan a day trip that ends with an empty house, etc., Are you allowing the community that God has given you to bless your family with time spent with your kids? Sometimes ministry is about receiving.

I am so thankful for this time of laughter, quiet and fun with my amazing husband and then had a blast hearing of the adventures my sweet girls had experienced while we were away.