Great Expectations: Changing Ministry Priorities as a Pastor's Wife

When we began Village Church, it seemed fitting that I, along with an amazing friend, would take on the leadership of starting Village Kids. We were both Early Childhood Educators and had a passion for seeing children become followers of Jesus. We were starting the church from scratch, there was a need, and we wanted to serve in our area of gifting and passion.

Looking back now, we realize that for the sake of our family and marriage it was not the best strategy. In 2010, when we launched Village Church, our girls were three and one. I would prepare lessons and resources during the week, printing all activities from our home printer, try to do leadership training, and schedule volunteers, which I was horrible at, so I would just fill in myself.

Sundays were the kicker. Mark would leave the house early to prepare and help set up the church, and I would load up our car with supplies, wake the girls up so we could get to the school by 7:00 am to set up. I would set the girls up with a bowl of cheerios and a video while I ran around with a couple other’s, setting up the children’s wing. I would then check kids in, run back and lead worship and story tell for the older grades, then jump into whatever class I didn't schedule for, and then take it all down and pack it away for the next week. I loved it. Using your gifts, and passions to serve God is life giving, but if not done with the right balance of other areas of life, it can also be a recipe for burn out. Not only was I running this ministry, I was still a Pastor's wife.

At that time we were having dinners in our home every night of the week with new attendees. It was “Guess who's coming to dinner?” almost every night for me.  I enjoyed entertaining and meeting new people, and it was so encouraging to see how God was using Village Church to change people’s lives. I always felt so blessed to be able to serve that I was unaware of how it was affecting our marriage.

I was not able to be the encouraging, supportive wife that Mark needed during this crazy season because I was caught up in the ministry myself. Rather than working on the church, alongside of him, I was working in the church.

Looking back I realize that I was so focused on being "Martha," that I wasn't able to be an encouragement. Almost every Sunday afternoon we would have the same conversation, Mark would say, "Man, I'm beat!" and I would say, "You're beat? Really, because I'm pretty sure I just did the same thing as you today, except I had the kids in tow." 

It's been a process, but over the last two years I've been slowly weaning myself out of formal leadership within the church for this season of our lives. I believe that God has called me to serve the church in relational ways: doing dinners and coffee’s with people, help pour into and bring together the Pastor’s wives, encourage young women, and most of all be a helpmate for Mark as he leads the church (Gen2:18).

Practical ways I've changed my priorities: 

Spend as much time in the Bible and in prayer as possible. Right now I am studying Beth Moore’s David.

Be an encouragement, a help, and support to Mark rather than be another person in ministry for him to lead and be responsible for. 

Attend one of the three services, rather than all three, so I am being filled and my kids enjoy attending church, rather than them equating it with being tired, overwhelmed and alone, as Mark and I connect with people. At one time I attended all the services so I could connect with as many people as possible - as I love this! But now I realize, as my kids are getting older, this just doesn’t work for them, so we come home, and have a relaxing afternoon until Mark is home.

Making every moment with my kids count, teaching them the ways of Jesus. Our routine as a family is - Breakfast with all of us at the table, a daily devotional (right now it is Jesus Calling for Kids), which includes the kids finding the Scripture passage in their Bible’s and reading them, and then Mark prays for the family around the table, and heads off to work, while we start school. 

God has been blessing our family through these small changes He has called me to. I am so thankful for Mark and the girls and the church family that God in his Grace has blessed us with. Looking forward to this new season of ministry.